Mormon cultural myths debunked

Mormons are a group of people. Like every group of people, they have a culture. Like every culture, they have implicit expectations of those in the group.

The problem with those expectation is that neither the Lord nor his prophets have explicitly laid those expectations out. They are the product of well meaning people who get carried away with assumptions that are partially based on facts, but mostly based on rumor and hearsay.

I debunk these myths so that those who believe them understand their origins, and hopefully more Mormons can better understand each other, thereby making it easier to follow the Savior's mandate to love one another.

Mormon cultural myth #1: R rated movies are forbidden. No, they're not. The closest thing I've ever found is a 1986 conference talk by President Benson. He urges young men to stay away from lewd, pornographic materials. He lumps into this list R rated movies. This is the origin of the Mormon cultural assumption that R rated movies are unilaterally condemned by the Church. But that's not so.

Think of it, the R rating comes from the American movie rating system, one of dozens used throughout the world. It would be a waste of time to go through each of those systems and declare ratings as sinful, especially when those ratings are subjective and constantly changing.

The prophets have made it clear that we should choose uplifting entertainment that encourages us to do good. It so happens that most R rated movies don't fall into that category, but many R rated movies actually teach compelling lessons or bring to life many of the horrors of history.

In short, don't be judgemental of those who avoid R rated movies, or of those who watch R rated movies,.

#2: Caffeinated soda is a no-no. Strictly speaking, the word of wisdom does not forbid caffeine (refer to D&C 89), therefore I have no moral opposition to caffeinated sodas.

You may ask, "So diet, caffeine-free cola is ok to drink, because it's less harmless than its caffeinated counterpart?"

Um, there are LOTS of health reasons (the real spirit of the word of wisdom) why you should avoid ALL sodas. Your bishop may not take away your recommend for drinking it, but your still poisoning your body if you drink soda. A basic Google search can corroborate this.

I gave up soda 3 years ago and haven't looked back (except for the occasional homemade rootbeer or foreign soda).

#3 Mormons should only date other Mormons. Not quite true, although it's understandable where this idea comes from. The prophets have repeatedly made it clear that the members of the Church should marry in the temple. In order to marry in the temple, you and your fiance must be members of the Church who are worthy (i.e. are in good standing) to be in the temple.

However, that does not mean that Mormons should run screaming in the other direction if they find mutual romantic interest with a non-Mormon. This is especially unfair when Mormons live in places where there are few eligible Mormons to date (given the fact that nowadays, most Mormons live outside of Utah and the US, this is the case for most of them).

True to the Faith states:

"Date only those who have high standards and in whose company you can maintain your high standards."

It's possible for a non-Mormon to respect and uphold your standards (for example, abstaining from sex before marriage).

With regards to preparing for marriage, the same publication states:

"Look for a companion of your own faith."
Who's to say that a non-Mormon that you're dating now couldn't become the companion of your own faith before you get married?

I personally believe that it's okay for Mormons to date non-Mormons (it could be a wonderful opportunity to share beliefs), but Mormons should make it clear up front that they want to marry in the temple, no ifs, ands or buts.

#4 Mormon girls should only marry returned missionaries. Not necessarily. Like #3, it's understandable where this philosophy comes from , but it's misguided.

Granted, returned missionaries are often mature and have experiences that lead them to truly live the gospel of Jesus Christ throughout their lives. But not always. Unfortunately, many RM's either revert to their immature ways, or never grow up in the first place.

In addition to a naive misconception of RM's, this idea casts non-RM's in a negative light. There are many reasons a man may not serve a mission, yet he can still be worthy to marry in the temple:

1) Too old when baptized.
2) Medical reasons
3) Had the opportunity but chose not to (that's right, choosing not to serve a mission in and of itself will not bar you from the temple).
4) Was unworthy to serve a mission but has repented.

For the Strength of Youth states:

"As you enter your adult years, make dating and marriage a high priority. Seek a companion who is worthy to go to the temple to be sealed to you for time and all eternity."

Nowhere does that or any other church publication say to marry only returned missionaries. After all, the Lord has a place for EVERYONE, not just those who served missions.

#5 a) Brigham Young said singles over age 25 (or was it 21? 30? 40?) are a menace to society.

b) Mormons who do not marry before graduating from BYU will never marry.

c) Returned Missionaries that are still single aren't trying hard enough to get married.

A) Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Another well researched blog post, by another blogger, has been written on the subject. Short answer, Young never said that. Mormon singles over 21, (23, 40, 80) you can rest easy.

B) This an unspoken myth, yet it reveals itself in the anxiety of many BYU students who are single for another semester. Making matters worse is an implicit belief in myth 5 a) and 5 c). Plus, many Mormons go to BYU hoping to find their eternal companion because there are more pickings than in their local singles ward. Thus, they think they will not find anyone eligible if they graduate BYU and return home.

The culture of BYU is marriage crazy for many reasons.

But BYU students who are marriage hungry should relax and remember the following: the prophets have made it clear that all who are faithful will be blessed with a spouse in this life or the next. However long the wait is, it will seem like a brief moment when you are finally paired with your eternal companion.

So maybe you won't get married before graduating from BYU. That doesn't mean all hope for temple marriage is lost.

C) Wrong. I alone am enough to disprove that myth, not to mention all the other RM's who dutifully date but don't get married. Most RM's have a deep and abiding testimony of the importance of families, and are therefore keenly aware of the need to marry, therefore are among those who want marriage the most.

I consistently asked girls out for five years (often averaging a date a week) before I got married. I may have made mistakes during that time, but not trying hard enough wasn't the problem.

#6 Playing cards are inherently evil. The thinking behind this is to avoid something associated with sinful behavior, thereby avoiding sinful behavior altogther, namely gambling. 

However, this is like avoiding computers and all electronic devices in order to shun pornography.   Computers are not inherently evil, therefore it is not sinful to use them, per se. 

The same with playing cards. They are pieces of paper with drawings, which people have used for centuries to pass the time. Very few of those games have anything to do with gambling. 

Like computers, cards may indeed be used for evil purposes, but that doesn't make them inherently evil. People with gambling addictions may indeed want to shun playing cards just as pornography addicts may want to shun computers.

The prophets have clearly denounced gambling, but they have not denounced playing cards.

#7 Choose the right means vote republican. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a fellow Mormon gripe "I can't see how good members of the church can be democrat."

I often vote republican, but even so, I can see why some Mormons might vote democrat (or other non-republican parties). The Mormon church, for about 100 years has been politically neutral. It takes a stance on a few issues (but without endorsing any political party): abortion, marriage, being involved in voting, and just a few others.

Even so, the church has, for the most part, been silent on how to vote for those issues. Heck, the church wouldn't take your recommend away if you voted in favor of gay marriage and abortion (I would strongly disagree with your choice, but I won't tell the bishop on you, either).

Plus, immigration, gun rights, fiscal policy, military policy, and a whole bunch of other issues are left open to the personal political views of each Mormon. Plus, there are a wide variety of opinions within each political party.  It is possible for a Mormon to be opposed to abortion and gay marriage  but agree with democrats on other issues (there are "conservative" democrats, after all).

In short, I CAN see how a good member of the church can be democrat (or anything non-republican).

#8 Spencer W. Kimball said to marry in your own race. Actually, the person who said that was Boyd K. Packer, over 40 years ago, on one occasion. He gave that bit of advice in the same same context of discouraging (but not condemning) short courtship (interesting how a lot of people didn't take that statement and run with it). On this one and only occasion where a leader of the church made this suggestion, it was worded as a suggestion, where he discouraged it but did not condemn it. It should be noted that his statement was not corroborated by other leaders in following meetings, nor is it found in any official Church guidelines.

I'm disappointed in members of the church who are ardent proponents of this idea, yet do not know who said it or when or in what context, to the point of being unaccepting of interracial couples, even if they were married in the temple. Such people need to get their facts straight and shape up.

CONCLUSION: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true, but full of human beings. I hope this sets the record straight for many of them. However, given human nature, I know other myths would abound even if these ones ceased. What to do? Love those misguided (but usually well-meaning) souls anyway.

Things I appreciate about Kristina part 5

9/25/13 she is my defendant, ally, advocate, and spokesperson. When people are rude or unfair to me, she sticks up for me and often gets me freebies.

9/30/13 helped me get ready for work this morning. Made sure that I specifically got the microwave dinner she bought me.

She makes me feel loved and needed each morning. She does this by hugging me tightly, refusing to let go, and playfully insisting I stay home from work.

10/03/13 Has been supportive of me during my furlough. She has reassured me of her love through wOrds, and she has happily agreed to spend less. She has also helped me think of jobs to look for and apply for them

10/8/13 I loved going to an interview with Kristina yesterday. That was a special family memory. I loved how she brought me my razor (so I could shave) and hair clippers (so Natalie could cut my hair).

10/10/13 texted me wishing me luck on my interview

10/13/14 told me I smelled good, looked hot

Dropped me off at church. I had planned on walking home, but it turned out she was outside Elder's quorum waiting for me.

Texted me to wish me luck on my first day on the job. When I came home, she ran up to me and gave me a tight hug.

10/24/2013

She gave me compliments on my good looks. She wrote me a note saying that I was awesome and thanked me for listening to her fears about starting phlebotomy training. She says she loves having me there to reassure her.

10/29/13 has become proficient at phlebotomy. Drew blood from me and I hardly felt a thing.

11/2/13 cleaned up around the house to show she was sorry. She gave me $4 on case I needed it when I hung out with Mark and Spencer.

11/12/13 here's part of an email I sent her:

I'm proud of you for graduating phlebotomy. I'm confident you can find a job. I know you will love it.

I'm grateful for the time we spent yesterday. I loved flirting with you at your work. Thank you for bringing me lemon water. I'm eternally grateful for your companionship, friendship, and help. We make a great team!

I'm honored to have you as my eternal companion. I will happily work on my flaws so that I'm easier to deal with.

You are beautiful inside and out.

Love,
Kevin

I also loved playing the piano and singing primary songs with you yesterday. You fulfilled my dream of having a wife I could play music with :-)

Things I appreciate about Kristina, part 4

8/23/13 has taken responsibility for the American Express. Uses her bank account to pay for it.

Drove me to work. I enjoy that time together.

8/24/13 had me look at her instead of the pump that showed the painful cost of gas. She looked beautiful in the moonlight and with her bright green shirt. She recorded the expense for me on my phone

8/25/13 Is diligent in keeping up with tithing.

Helps me take notes at church

Says I'm the best organist in the ward.

Said nursery is funner with me there. She said it's also easier to lead music time with me there.

Journal, Tuesday, August 27, 2013 8:16 am I am on the bus on my way to work.

Kristina really made me proud yesterday. She made sure to keep our grocery bill under 40. She even helped lower the cost by helping pay for stuff, putting stuff back, and returning big items for smaller items.

This morning she walked with me to the bus stop.

8/28/13 Turned the AC down so that I wouldn't shiver to death at night. She asked if I was warm enough and if I wanted another blanket.

9/1/13 I read the Book of Mormon stories to her. She read along in the actual Book of Mormon. Then she spontaneously picked up the Bible Stories for children and read one to me.

9/8/13 bought me flowers to apologize, even though I was the grouchy one. I volunteered to sleep on the couch (I had my blankets and pillows all ready), but she insisted that I come back to bed with her.

Several people have come up to me at various wards saying that Kristina was the first person to welcome them when they first moved into the ward.

9/14/13 Went to the San Diego temple with Kim, Ned, and me. She participated in the prayer circle with me. We flirted with each other across the room: she winked, made her bunny face, and made ASL signs to me.

9/22/13 let me rest my head on her lap on the plane last week. I have always appreciated how she comforts me like that.

Appreciated how I let loose and splurged yesterday for our engagement anniversary.

Shares my dislike for Juan Pablo, the new Bachelor.

9/24/13 got me candy and a gift card from Subway.

She helped cleanse the fridge of rotting food.

Things I appreciate about Kristina part 3

7/22/13 Borrowed weird Al albums from the library and said I got her into them.

7/24/13 Watched me run the temple. to 5k, drove me to donate blood ( rested her hand on my foot to comfort me) and took care of me when I felt sick (put a cold towel on my head, rubbed my tummy, and put her arm around me)

7/29/13 Usually I make my own lunch for work. But Kristina made it for me last night. She also got us to bed early and insisted that I get some extra rest.

We laughed almost the entire day yesterday.

We read People magazine together. When she read summer of it on her own, she let me read some Sherlock Holmes.

7/30/13 She is as affectionate as I am. We both feel a special kind of bonding and healing when we cuddle or hug. This is one
of the main reasons I decided to marry her.

8/1/13 Is better at hiding, finding, and remembering stuff than I am.

8/4/13 has gotten me into a lot if fun stuff: karaoke, country, Bacheleorette, people magazine

8/6/13 Her skin is warm and mine is usually cold. We both love touching each other because she gets to cool out while I warm up.

8/9/13 stood by my side when my tire got a flat. We met at my work and we started to drive home, but my Pontiac's spare tire started rattling. Kristina saw me pull over to tighten it, so she pulled over, too, and helped me find the nearest Big O Tires. More than anything, she gave me her emotional support by being there.

She drove behind me in her Hyundai with her emergency lights and signaled for people to steer clear of me.

8/11/13 Shares the gospel with friends and with new people we meet. Usually she's the one to initiate a conversation aboutthe church.

8/13/13 Went voting with me.

8/16/13 Rushed me to the BYU bookstore so I could get Macbeth.

Bought me a hotdog at Costco

8/16/13 Found me while I was at the recreation center. She looked for me on all the treadmills and in the bathrooms. I laughed and was touched. I was in the lobby the whole time.

Found an awesome app for keeping a grocery list: "Out of milk"

8/19/13 Last year, when she visited California with her dad, she kept a journal of notes to me. I reread them and it was fun to relive that memory.

Things I appreciate about Kristina part 2

6/27/13 She is my eye candy. drop dead gorgeous

Has made it a point lately to say more nice things about me in front of other people.

6/28/13 Let me have time alone in the bath tub to chill off and prevent further arguments.

6/29/13 Had me get a movie a Redbox so she could surprise me with spaghetti using Angel hair pasta, my favorite noodle.

6/30/13 Remembered at the last minute, when I completely forgot, that I had to play the organ. she rushed through traffic (i jokingly told her I'm glad she broke the law for me), dropped me off at the door, and looked for parking while I ran in. I was mad at myself for forgetting, but I'm grateful my wife was on the ball.

Complimented my organ music multiple times.

Says that she wouldn't be able to live without me.

Thought of the best idea for making genealogy interesting for kids: genealogy bingo! Using Reese pieces, gummy bears, pb m&ms, or other candy as tokens or prizes

Comes from a strong happy family. That's a big part of the reason why I wanted to marry her even when I didn't want to marry her.

7/2/13 Just before passing Beaver on our way to St. George, she volunteered to take the wheel. I admired how easily she merged. She is becoming a great freeway driver!

Called Grandma in a sweet voice to let her know we were in Ceder City.

7/6/13 Hit the golf balls at the St George driving range even though she never took classes. She did better than me at first. Made a funny joke: we could each imagine each other's faces on the golf balls and whack then to smithereens.

Has made time to let me read.

7/7/13 Apologized profusely for our arguments over money.

At the hotel, got me my favourite breakfast foods: waffles with strawberries with whip cream, oatmeal with brown sugar, orange juice, bagel with Strawberry cream cheese and biscuits and gravy.
7/9/13 Hugs me tightly and kisses me profusely before I leave for work each morning. makes me feel love and wanted.

Frequently visits me at work. Waits for me patiently outside the hallway. Sometimes scours the whole building looking for me.

Is outspoken and charming. We have received many freebees because of this quality.

7/10/13 Let me go home early from karaoke so I could sleep. She was quiet when she came home. She apologized for making noise, even though it didn't bother me. She also put an extra blanket over me to make me warm and tucked it tightly around me.

7/12/13 I took the love languages test and realized my language was Acts of Service. After looking through these two ongoing lists of this I appreciate about her, I realize she has already been speaking my love language loud and clear.

Based on what I've written, she has done:
10 Acts of Service
9 encouraging words
3 times hasyouched me physically I'm ways I appreciate
5 times spent time with me and I appreciated it.
4 times has given me a gift of some sort

And this has just been over the past month. I'm sure all of these numbers will increase dramatically if I was to look overt the whole year we've been together.

7/13/13 Watched me at the ward. 5k. She did the walking race. When I finished I ran back and walked with her. Was proud that I finished 3rd. She has no idea how much it meant for me to see her there.

7/15/13 After a nasty fight over money, she diffused the argument by saying she understands why I'm frustrated with her spending habits, that she knows I want my financial sacrifices to be appreciated, and that she was sorry for embarrassing me at the store. She has made it a point lately to validate my feelings and show compassion for how I feel. Bless her.

Tells me almost everyday she misses me, even if we're only apart for an hour.

7/16/13 Uses her when money to pay for extra snacks she wants and that are not on the grocery list.

7/17/13 Left me a sweet note thanking me for being a wonderful husband. She also reminded me to laugh more than get mad, which is good advice. The note was from a book of notes with animal pictures.

7/18/13 I had a long list of things I needed to accomplish this week and Kristina has helped me accomplish a significant portion of them.

Last night, unpacked a box from the move that still had stuff in it.

Funny things Kristina says and does

Took my phone in the middle of the night when I started to take it back from her she protested no I want to call this person. She didn't even remember the number she dialed she wanted to talk to a random stranger and introduce herself as "loopy" and then asked the stranger's name "Hi, my nAme's loopy. What's yours?"

She bumps her head on my shoulders playfully

Laughs adorably when we play kids games and read kids books

I love the way she smiles at me when she is enjoying something. I remember that same look on our second date when we danced as we listened to the beach boys live. 

6/10/13 she says we would still kiss, cuddle even if we got divorced. She would hope I stayed single and would fight off other girls. 

6/11/13 she dried her bum off under the hand dryer at the provo rec center

6/14/13 Yesterday she had me pee into a water bottle in the gym at work. It was safe because no one was around. It was hilarious and adventurous.

6/15/13 Beats on her chest like Tarzan.

When I was mad at her at Kim and Ned's house, she swam in the pool underneath me and blew bubbles so they went up my swimsuit.

6/17/13 Doesn't like it when I pick my boogers, but picks my boogers for me.

6/18/13 Used my Facebook account to create the following status: "This might sound crazy to all of you but "I love eating cucumbers for breakfast"!!! I eat them all the time without dipping them in anything. They are my dessert! Tasty Tasty!!!!"

I logged into her account and commented: "That doesn't sound crazy at all sweetheart! Make sure to save me some :):):)
"
6/19/14 When she uses the bathroom in the middle of the night, she comes back loopy and playful.

Hates it when I pick my nose, yet she loves to extract my boogers for me. She lets me pick my nose if the boogers are out of her reach.

6/21/13 When we ate dinner at Biaggi's (at the Gateway), she asked one of the servers where he was from because he was good looking. He awkwardly accepted the compliment. She was embarrassed for s asking her question wrong.  I teased her for the rest of the night for hitting on another man I'm front of her husband. We chuckled every time that guy passed by.

Laughed at the way I talk with my retainer in my mouth, and it gave me a chance to laugh at myself.

When I take Nyquil, she says it Nyqs me out.

When she met me at work, she yelled for me multiple times into the men's restroom. one of the guys in there said "There's no Kevin. please don't yell into the men's restroom." (Kristina was confused because I had texted her that I was using the bathroom, but she didn't knew I had already gone back to my desk).

6/27/13 Memorized an adorable Shel Silverstein poem from her childhood:

I made myself a softball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
and let it sleep with me.

I made it some pajamas
and a pillow for its head.

Then last night it ran away,
But first it wet the bed.

6/29/13 rolled  a jug of cold water on top of her body to cool off.

6/29/13 The phone rang right before she went into the shower. She exclaimed "Jeez, can't a girl get naked?"

7/9/13 makes an adorable rabbit face. Licks me like she's a dog.

Journal July 2013

Journal Monday July 8th 2013 6:56 p.m.
Kristina and I went to Grandma's house to say goodbye to mom, dad, grandma, janet elizabeth grant Sarah Mason and Joshy. Dad give a father's blessing to Grant for his upcoming deployment. Elizabeth pretended to be asleep the whole time, what a stinker. She smirked when we talk to her and tickled her.

A few days ago and Christina and I were in the swimming pool at the hotel, she had an absence seizure, where she stares and is unaware of her surroundings. My heart went out her.

A few weeks ago I had a dream that I saw the year old version of set holding Elizabeth and that the teenage version of set with also there. we met at the fork in the road in Leeds just before Ron and Carol's house.

Christina and I had a safe drive. We are now in Payson in a restaurant waiting for mark spencer Katie and Nathaniel.

Journal, Tuesday July 8, 2013, 7:29 pm I worked from 8 to 6:30 pm today. I took an hour and a half long lunch break so I could nap and visit with Kristina. I worked a total of 9 hours.

Kristina and I are enjoying karaoke art Provo Beach resort.

Journal, Wed, July 10, 2013 , 6:58 p.m. I worked a total of 8.5 goods today from 8 am to 6:30 pm. Kristina visited me twice for about a half hour each time and I took a nap. I an grateful Kristina brought me leftovers for lunch and my book (both of which I had forgotten and agreed her to bring). She also bought us both some food at Rumbi's.

She had her first appointment at my dentist and got her teeth cleaned.they recommend a new crown.

Journal, July 11, 2013, 6:40 am Kristina let me sleep through the night and I am awake an hour earlier feeling energetic.

Yesterday Kristina was in pain and feeling grouchy from having her teeth cleaned and was still feeling silly.

Last night Kristina yelled to me for help from the kitchen. I ran downstairs to see what the problem was. It sounded like a real emergency. She was in the kitchen laughing because she has spilled spaghetti noodles all over the stove. She tried putting them out of their packaging into a Ziploc bag but missed. She said "I'm still drugged"

Journal Saturday July 13th 2013 10:02 p.m. Kristina came to support me at the 5k this morning. it was put on by the Provo Married Student 26th ward. Free registration! Kristina joined Annie Chadderdon in walking the race. It made me feel good to see Kristina. She has no idea how much that means to me. The race was at 8 am.

I finished 3rd with a time of 22:30 (small race). I won a 10 dollar gift certificate to Amazon. I used it to purchase two moves: Maverick and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

We also went to Payson where Katie and Spencer were celebrating Nathaniel's 2nd birthday. He gestured for me to get him a glass of orange juice. I poured it for him. Kristina kindly prompted him to say thank you. He smiled and made the ASL sign for "thank you." I thought that was cute.Journal, Sunday, July 14, 9:15 am Kristina and i are in London attending Paul and Aly Clifford's ward, listening to the farewell of Cami Thomas.

On our way home from Payson last night, we picked up a hitchhiker named Mate who needed to meet a friend at the airport. Mate's girlfriend had left him stranded without a way to get back to his home in Elko, Nevada. Kristina mentioned this was our service for the day and that prompted him to ask us if we were Mormons. We had a good talk with him about the church. It turns out he's read the Work and the Glory.

Journal, Monday, July 15, 2013, 7:16 am Back to the grind.

Poor Kristina has had stomach pains yesterday and today. I took her to the InstaCare in Provo. She's not pregnant, and does not have kidney stones or gall stones. But she's still in pain.

 Journal Wednesday July 17th 2013 6:55 am I totally forgot to write my journal yesterday, so I am putting down one thing that I put about kristina that I appreciate. this was the most recent thing in my ever-growing list of things I appreciate about her. 

Ashleigh's cousin, Brianna Call, adopted the kitten we found at Petco the other day and we are grateful to her.

7/16/13 Uses her when money to pay for extra snacks she wants and that are not on the grocery list.

Journal, Thursday, July 18, 2013, 8:01 am Kristina is thrilled to be back working at the Orem Wendy's. I am, too.

After she got off work, we applied for a credit card with Southwest airlines. We will cancel our American express when the new credit card arrives.

I will start studying for the Air Force Officer test.

I just finished the Journal of Best Practices. I am grateful Grant gave me that book. I highlighted many great ideas that I hope will serve me again and again in the future.

Journal July Friday 19th 2013 7:07 a.m.

 I made Kristina breakfast in bed. I made eggs, toast, and sausage. She made it better by getting us chocolate milk to share. I did it to show her how much I appreciate her and to express regret for the negative things I've done the past year.

We had some nice family time at the Provo recreation center. It's walking distance from our town house. We did zumba and swam together.

Journal, Saturday, July 20, 2013, 7:23 pm I just accidentally delete this journal entry and an rewriting it. Funny.

Kristina and I did sealings at the temple. We love passing by the room where we were sealed.

Kristina and I both had dreams last night with some shocking similarities. I made a vice recording about it.

Journal, July 21, 2013, 2:42 pm I have made it a goal not to yell at Kristina at all this week. I hand wrote the details of how I will achieve that goal.

I smiled today when I saw Kristina smiling and winking at me when I played the organ. She has no idea how much that means to me.

 Monday July 22nd 3:37 p.m. I went boating at Utah Lake with ned, Kim Nick Sarah Jane and Nixon. I woke up at 440 this morning so I could get out of work at 530 and get enough hours to work. I am at their house in just finished dressing and we'll go back to work until 7 o'clock p.m. tonight

Journal, Tuesday, July 23, 2013, 9:36 ppm I'm at Pizza Pie Cafe enjoying karaoke with Kristina. I am doing it to focus on get neds, which includes speaking her live language: Quality Time. As an added bonus I am lashing up on carbs for my 5k tomorrow.

I had an epiphany when I was praying on the way to work a few days ago. The root of all my unreasonable irritation with Kristina is selfishness: wanting more time to myself, more money to myself, making her do what I want. I have sought her feedback on how I can improve as a husband. Diagnosing the root of the problems had been refreshingly liberating, like receiving a diagnosis from a doctor. That's because when th know the ailment, the treatment is easy to figure out. I have been praying to fulfill her needs more than mine, love her more than money, more than anything insignificant.

Journal, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 9:23 am Kristina and I are driving home in her carfrom the temple to temple run.  It was a 5k from the old Provo temple to the site of the new city center temple. I finished with a time of 21:52. That's a 39 second improvement over the ward 5k a week and a half ago, and a 38 second improvement over the 5k in Leeds on July 4.

Kristina felt bad because even though she was at the finish line, she didn't see me finish. It was very crowded. We didn't see each other until 40 minutes after I finished the race.

Journal Thursday July 25th 10:02 p.m. I am pooped. Giving blood yesterday right after a 5k was a bad idea. I have felt weak and sore all day.

Kristina and I attended the wedding of Ben Warner, (Kristina's cousin) and Samantha Gustafson (who used to be in my ward).

Journal Friday July 26 2013 6:08 p.m. I slept in this morning until 8o'clock because I still felt tired from the blood and doing a 5k on same day. That meant I got to have a nice morning with Kristina. She made us breakfast, sausage eggs over easy and toast. We watched an episode of 7th heaven, and we laughed in and played together like kids until we both had to go to work. She worked from 10 30 to 40, & I worked from 10 30 to 5:15

Journal Sunday July 28th 2013 5:16 p.m. Kristina and I gave talks in sacrament meeting, sang in choir, then rushed to Lindon vendor before our sacrament meeting ended. We heard her cousin, Samantha Harris, speak on her mission to Ecuador. It was humorous and touching.

Journal Monday July 29th 2013 7:09 p.m. I contacted LDS family services about getting anger management. I will call them back to set up an appointment.

Kristina and I are going to get parents' house to watch TV. Her folks are in Carlsbad, California for two weeks.

Journal Wednesday July 31st 7:18 p.m. Christina is doing Visiting Teaching and some Relief Society activity with the the ward. I am taking my piggy bank money and doing some window shopping to see what I want to buy. I'm thinking of buying an Amazon gift card and purchasing a few things from my wishlist.