Friday, June 6, 2014

To the leadership of BYU

Dear BYU leadership: Pestering a single person about why they're still single is just as insensitive as pestering an unemployed person about why they haven't got a job yet.

And would you tell an unemployed person, "You're not trying hard enough"? Even though that person has been submitting dozens of resumes and been to several interviews and has been rejected by all leads? Then why would you say something like that to a single person who's been diligently putting themself out there?

I was frustrated with all my bishops and stake presidents at BYU who operated under the assumption that anyone who was single wasn't trying or didn't want to get married. I lost count of how many times a religious leader looked at me dumbfounded when I said, "I've asked lots of girls on dates for years and nothing has worked. What should I do?" It was even more frustrating that they didn't have a satisfying answer, which tells me that such an idea never occurred to them. If they paid attention to the lives of the people around them, they might have been aware of this fact.

And you know what the irony is? We believe in eternal marriage. So in the grand scheme of things, what's the difference of getting married at 20 instead of 30? Or 40? Or maybe not until after you're dead? The prophets have made it clear that the faithful will be blessed with a spouse, either in this life or the next. So why stress out BYU students by making them believe that if they don't find an eternal companion during their 4 years at BYU that they'll never get married?

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