Putting your faith in the right place

I think it's troubling when people have a crisis of faith after reading some comment or blog post on the internet. Come on, are you really going to believe the words of some random internet troll and ditch your faith in God that easily? Dieter Uchtdorf, a prominent leader of the LDS church, said: "Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."

A lot of people say, "I can't see why you belong to a church that has terrible people." What makes you assume I go because of the people? I don't go because I think that it automatically makes me, or anyone else who goes, better than everyone else. I go because I honestly believe God wants me to. I admit there are more dirt bags in my religion then there should be. I also assert that my religion has TONS of wonderful people, which people should be just as eager to point out.

But my faith is completely independent of anyone's actions. Which is actually quite liberating, because I'd be stressed if my devotion depended on the actions of 15 million people spread out across the globe; or if I let myself be influenced by the 7 billion people on this planet with their endless variety of opinions.

Plus, God is reliable: maybe some of those people are right about some things, but God is always right about everything. I'd rather trust in His all-knowing and perfectly-loving powers than in the partially-knowing, sometimes-but-not-always-friendly opinions of other people.

Trusting in God is a win-win situation: Only one person whose opinion should matter to you, and he knows everything and loves you perfectly. That's awesome, if you ask me.

By the way, if you were to completely disassociate with every group of people (religious or not) that had bad people, you'd probably end up living by yourself on an island: every country, business, religion, race, club, etc. has terrible people. But they all have wonderful people, too.

So quit being so judgmental, and quit letting other people's actions be the barometer for your own behavior.

Some people are never happy

During my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I met hundreds of people from all walks of life with every imaginable (and unimaginable) opinion. I came to realize the reality of this simple truth: you can't please everybody.

I reflect on this truth whenever a group of people whine that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints isn't exactly they way they think it should be. And a lot of times those are random, silly things that people are viewing through the lens of the latest cultural fads, instead of with the eye of faith.

What's next, vegans picketing the BYU and MTC cafeterias for serving meat products?

Environmentalists picketing the Church office building for producing too much trash?

Cheapskates picketing Deseret Book and the Distribution Center for charging money instead of handing out items for free? 

Hollywood critics saying that Mormons are lame just because they don't always produce good movies?

When the LDS church was young, Joseph Smith started a bank in Kirtland. He was a prophet, not a professional banker. So it should have come as no surprise that his bank failed. But, consequently, many people who invested in the bank had a serious crisis of faith, seriously questioning Joseph as a prophet.

But it wasn't enough for them to stop attending church, or to disbelieve his sermons. They joined mobs that wanted to kill him. All because they were rudely awakened to the fact that even if this man was chosen by God, he still didn't know how to run a bank; they strictly adhered to the foolish belief that a divinely appointed prophet should also be a good banker. Then they became guilty of things that were much more damning than starting a failed bank.

Anyone who has a chip on their shoulder can find, or imagine, any grievance they want.

To the leadership of BYU

Dear BYU leadership: Pestering a single person about why they're still single is just as insensitive as pestering an unemployed person about why they haven't got a job yet.

And would you tell an unemployed person, "You're not trying hard enough"? Even though that person has been submitting dozens of resumes and been to several interviews and has been rejected by all leads? Then why would you say something like that to a single person who's been diligently putting themself out there?

I was frustrated with all my bishops and stake presidents at BYU who operated under the assumption that anyone who was single wasn't trying or didn't want to get married. I lost count of how many times a religious leader looked at me dumbfounded when I said, "I've asked lots of girls on dates for years and nothing has worked. What should I do?" It was even more frustrating that they didn't have a satisfying answer, which tells me that such an idea never occurred to them. If they paid attention to the lives of the people around them, they might have been aware of this fact.

And you know what the irony is? We believe in eternal marriage. So in the grand scheme of things, what's the difference of getting married at 20 instead of 30? Or 40? Or maybe not until after you're dead? The prophets have made it clear that the faithful will be blessed with a spouse, either in this life or the next. So why stress out BYU students by making them believe that if they don't find an eternal companion during their 4 years at BYU that they'll never get married?

Story of my deployment

During my fourth year in the Army, I got promoted to 2nd lieutenant. My first assignment was a deployment to Afghanistan.

I thought it was ridiculous that I got that assignment because supposedly we were already gone from there. Kristina was upset about it, too.

Most of the deployment went off without a hitch. In fact, it was boring. Mostly desk work and some manual labor (I didn't see why I couldn't do the same thing at Camp Williams, but I didn't want to frustrate myself by thinking about it too much). Kristina was happy to see me during my leave halfway through.

During the last month, I was ordered to lead a supply convoy through Kabul.  I wasn't scared because there hadn't been reports of casualties there in years. Turns out my convoy had the dubious honor of being the first in that many years.

A rocket propelled grenade hit the first jeep which I was in. The driver was killed. I was hit with shrapnel in my left shoulder and thigh; the two soldiers in the back were unscathed.

I didn't feel my injuries at first. I was too adrenalized and pissed off. I thought to myself, "Really? I'm in this stupid country that I shouldn't even be in; I'm almost done with this deployment, and these thugs couldn't respect a simple SUPPLY CONVOY! I want to go home and see my wife, goddammit."

Enraged, I hopped out of the busted humvee, yelling like a psycho gone berserk. I took cover behind the front driver's side, whipped out my .45 and shot at anything that moved. I don't know if I hit anybody, because they were far away, and because the Humvee behind us was laying waste to the bastards with the .50 caliber machine gun.

After a few seconds, I felt a sudden tug on my right shoulder and I hear, "Get in the Humvee, Lieutenant! Now! We're outta here!" I hobbled to the back of the second Humvee, practically thrown in there by the Sergeant. As we flew out of there, my injuries finally started hurting. It was a miserable combination of needles and burns that I felt. I couldn't focus on being glad to be alive. All I could think of was the pain. The medic bandaged the wounds, stopped the bleeding, and gave me some Morphine. I passed out.

Next thing I knew, I was in a hospital. It didn't look familiar. "Morning, Lieutenant. You're in Rammstein hospital." "In Germany?" I asked in a daze. "Yes. And my name is Captain McNamee. I'll take care of you." That's Lucy Bednarz's husband. Later, Lucy (also an Army nurse) came in, commended me for my bravery, and says it's bittersweet to reunite with a friend after all these years in this way.

I got another surprise: the Army paid for my wife Kristina to fly to Germany and visit me. What a joyful reunion. I hadn't seen her beautiful face in too long. It made my heart feel good. "I lost weight, honey!" I laughed that that's the first thing she reports to me. "I went with Suzanne to do Zumba at the gym and I've been sticking to my gluten free diet. I wanted to look good for you when you came home."

"Honey, you didn't have to do that. You were always beautiful. But I'm proud of you for exercising and eating healthy."

"I know, now I'm hot and I can finally fit in my old clothes." We both chuckled.

"Kristina!" I laughed, embarrassed, "I don't care what size you are."

"I do." She smiles.

She caressed my arm, "Why did they do this to you? I wish I could talk to those bad guys and punch them in the face." We laughed again.

"They're probably dead, honey."

"I know, I just wish I could tell them, 'You know what? My husband is coming home soon and he's just delivering supplies. He's not here to kill anyone. Just leave him alone.'"

"You're so sweet."

"And why did the Army even make you go in the first place? You're not supposed to be fighting on the front lines."

"Believe me, honey, I've asked myself that a million times. But I guess since other guys are dying it's not fair to keep the rest of us out of harm's way."

"I know. Do you have to do this every time?" 

"Probably not, especially with these injuries." 

"Ok. Just please think about getting out, alright? I enjoyed it while it lasted. It's time for you to be a daddy."

My jaw dropped, "You're pregnant?"

"Yes. I wanted to surprise you. Did you like the surprise?"

"Yes!"

*This post is a work of fiction and is dedicated to the brave men and women in the armed forces.

My response to the Ordain Women movement

I won't touch on the question of "should women be ordained?" I want to say how I feel about the Ordain Women movement, specifically.

I think it's acceptable to correspond with the president of the church and request changes. I am not ok with disregarding his answers.

I'm ok with Ordain Women believing they should receive the priesthood. I'm not okay that they blatantly ignored the Church's direction (written by a female spokesperson, I might add) to stay in designated areas, and to not push for tickets into priesthood session.

What bothers me is that I don't know of any such protest that was ever organized for blacks and the priesthood.

The Church is not a democracy that can be pressured into a popular agenda. If the Church declared that women could be ordained, I would wholeheartedly support it. That's not the issue for me. The issue for me is respect for the Lord, respect for those divinely called to receive revelation on such matters, and respect for the revelations which they have received after fasting, pondering, consulting with others ordained unto that purpose, and praying.

It offends me that one of them on Facebook called it "trying too hard to be the middleman." No, the prophets are  fulfilling their divinely appointed calling. Prophets don't come between you and God. They help you come closer to God. The Lord's whole purpose for the Restoration was to divinely choose men who could speak on His behalf to the entire world when otherwise the world would languish in ignorance. Think about the Restoration, then think about Ordain Women's audacious claims and demands.

Do they think that their revelation trumps that of the prophets? Don't forget, your ability to receive personal revelation was revealed by prophets.

In keeping with what I said before, it doesn't bother me that they want the priesthood. I would wholeheartedly support ordaining women if the apostles received revelation to do so. I think it would be totally appropriate to want to know why women can't be ordained. It's not appropriate to demand ordination.

Can you think of a time when the Lord was on the receiving end of an ultimatum and the Lord acquiesced? I sure can't. In the Book of Mormon, Jacob said, "seek not to counsel the Lord." Is Ordain Women seeking and listening for an answer? Or are they demanding to hear what they want to hear?

I hate Ordain Women's attitude of: "We won't stop until you ordain us!"

I might be more favorable to Ordain Women if their attitude was more like, "We would love to have the priesthood if we could, but we will sustain the prophets no matter what the Lord reveals to them." That would be in keeping with Jacob's instructions to "take counsel from his [the Lord's] hand." (Both quotes are from Jacob 4:10).

Who are Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood?

If you're Mormon, you've heard of the Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood stereotypes. You can probably think of a few people who fit those stereotypes. Perhaps you want to be just like them, or perhaps you want to have nothing to do with them. But when you ask Mormons who Molly Mormon and Peter Priesthood are, some can't really put their finger on it, but they know one when they see one.


Who are these people, really?  And should they be shunned or emulated? Let's start  with some descriptions of the stereotypes and see if they sound familiar.

Molly Mormon
- Painfully shy girl. She goes to church dances but is too shy to talk  to anyone. Consequently she is often overlooked and often is neglected to be invited to dance.She is plain, neither gorgeous nor ugly. But she can be quite stunning if she has help with makeup and dress

 - She adores church and everything church related. This is a good thing, but some people are bothered by the fact that Molly ONLY does church stuff: she doesn't have friends outside of church; only goes to church sponsored activities, only reads books sold at Deseret Book, only listens to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and other LDS artists (and listens to Disney when she is particularly daring)

- Avoids R rated movies and caffeinated sodas like the plague and feels uncomfortable around people who indulge in such practices

- Believes BYU is reserved for the righteousWhen she starts looking for a husband, she won't talk to you unless you served a mission

 - Has a few weaknesses: when she finally finds romance, she can't find balance. She knows she shouldn't get carried away, but can't help herself making out with her first boyfriend. She goes back and forth between enjoying all the kisssing and feeling remorse for kissing too much (and sometimes she overcompensates by refusing any kind of touch, even a simple hug)

- Some people feel like she's rubbing it in when she brags about how many scriptures she memorized, her perfect seminary attendance, her thorough genealogy research, and her apparently daily attendance at the temple

- But she also has admirable qualities: if you ask her for help, she will get right to it. She keeps you in her prayers and knows when you're down and need a friend. She also goes the extra mile when participating in church activities.

Peter Priesthood
- Is against swearing but loves pretending to swear, using irksome substitute swear words like "fetch" or "oh, my heck"

- Always has a big smile on his face, which bothers some people because they don't think it's genuine

- Likes to brag about his churchy accomplishments, such as being the quorum president, having perfect seminary attendance, memorizing 100 scriptures, etc.

- Can relate EVERYTHING to his mission. He can connect even the most random topics to his mission (which is quite a skill, if you think about it). If you're around him for 15 minutes, you'll know more about his mission than you can remember about yours

- He'll make you feel welcome at church and diligently comes to your house for home teaching, but you don't really hang out with him aside from that.

- Instead of sticking with basic, core doctrine, he loves debating "deep" doctrine. For example, whether Adam had a belly button, sightings of the three Nephites, the location of the 10 lost tribes, etc.

- Doesn't appear to have any original ideas and has a painfully corny sense of humor (he's choc full of Mormon jokes, especially the ones that have been in circulation for decades)

- Loves to show off his mission language, even when no one understands him. If he finds out you speak the same language, he'll never speak to you in English ever again (which can be embarrassing when your acquaintances suddenly get left out of the conversation)

- Further, if you say a word in that language that is different from what he learned on his mission, he'll have a hissy fit, saying that he learned more in two years than you did in two years (it doesn't matter if you're a professor or professional translator; he'll insist that what he heard people say on his mission is the right way)

- But Peter also has many good qualities: he is usually the first to volunteer when someone needs help moving or making friends with new people in the neighborhood. He also notices Molly Mormon standing by herself at the dance and asks her to dance, and talks to her, making her feel special.


Overall, Molly and Peter are good people. They just have some quirks that bug some people (but not everyone) .


So should we emulate Molly and Peter? They're human beings just like every other person. As with any person, their good qualities should be emulated and their bad qualities shunned. In any case, they deserve to be loved and respected. The Savior said to love everyone, whether or not you get along with them. So show them love and kindness. Odds are, they are already trying to show kindness to you.

You know you SHOULD quit looking at porn, but did you know you COULD?

Let me start with this statement: pornography is evil!

For the most part, I would be preaching to the choir if I went on about why pornography is bad. This blog post is for porn addicts who want to quit but honestly don't think they can.

You've been told that porn is bad since you were little. You've tried many times and given up. You know full well that pornography is damaging, and you feel terrible every time you do it. You want to stop it and you know you should.

But did you know that you CAN?

Your problem isn't that you think porn okay. Your problem is that you subconsciously believe in other false ideas that you possibly didn't realize that you believed. The devil is tricky; he helped you believe in these ideas and you didn't realize they were part of his vast arsenal of pernicious lies.

Here are some thoughts you've had that have kept you from dropping this habit:

"I'm just incapable of quitting."

That, my friend, is despair. Despair is totally different from guilt.

Guilt is exactly what you should feel when you sin. That shame you feel is what motivates you to repent and make things right.

However, you should NOT despair. Despair makes you feel like repentance is pointless ("I messed up, always have, always will"). It's unfairly pessimistic on yourself.

Worse, it's the devil's substitute for hope. Yes, that's right. If you despair and give up on yourself, you're doing exactly what Satan (the same trickster whom you let get you into this mess) wants you to do!

Remember what Paul (1 Corinthians 13) and Moroni (Moroni 7) said the 3 greatest virtues are? Faith, HOPE and charity. Yes, believing in yourself is right up there with being nice to people and obeying the Lord.

Believing you can quit (and working hard to do so) is as virtuous as successfully quitting.

And remember this: It's normal to revert to a bad habit before quitting for good.

I'm not gonna look at it, I'm not, I'm not.

Your problem is that your focused on NOT looking at porn. I've heard of people who can truly stop their minds from thinking, but only after years of practice. I'm not like that, I doubt you are, and, besides, you don't need that skill to quit porn.

Focus on replacing it with a positive habit. There are millions of positive hobbies and activities that can make it so that porn never even crosses your mind. Pick one. Pick several.

Additionally, you should set boundaries for yourself to avoid situations where you're tempted to watch porn (i.e. shut your computer off after a certain hour)

I sure miss it. I wish I could just do it again.

This mindset guarantees that you will eventually revert. Have to become disgusted with pornography. You have to remind yourself of the harm it does to you and your family.

When you genuinely despise something, it makes it easier to stay away from it.

If I talk to my bishop about it, he'll be disgusted with me, and he'll embarrass me by telling everyone I know.

He won't be disgusted with you. On the contrary, he'll admire that you had the courage and humility to honestly deal with this problem and seek help.

And bishops are sworn to secrecy. They judiciously maintain confidentiality. They would be in serious trouble if they didn't.

Refusing to see your bishop for fear of embarrassment is like rejecting a lifeguard when you're drowning and saying, "Letting you help me will make me look bad." Even if you did look bad (which you won't) the reward is worth the effort.

CONCLUSION: I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Pornography is a nasty evil. But I'm being equally blunt when I say that you are capable of escaping pornography's snare for good.